It doesn't matter if you have the title.
It doesn't matter if you have assumed the role.
You have the opportunity to be a better leader in every moment of interaction.
What is a leader?
A leader is a person who has influence.
A leader is someone who shifts the energy of the group.
Guess what, the leader can affect the group, and the group can affect the individual.
Now that can be in good ways. You can have inspiration and motivation and all those creative vibes.
Or it can draw the energy down.
Have you ever been in a meeting, and someone yucks on your yum?
Here's how we can positively influence a group.
Number one, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Meaning before you step into a meeting, do a nice little body scan.
Are you holding on to stress? Do you have any resentment? Are you full of bias?
If you're not clear, get a piece of paper. What are you bringing in?
Have you just had an argument with someone? Did you read a frustrating email? Are you worried about how to make a decision?
Get it out of your head.
Number two, what are your intentions in meeting with people?
Do you want to learn things? Do you want to get clarification? Do you want to brainstorm an idea share? Do you want to alter behaviors?
If you aren't clear, you're coming in with assumptions.
If you don't have an agenda for your meeting, go ahead and do that.
What are one, two, or three things that you want to accomplish in this interaction?
This is going to help you create a framework and an outline of how you move things forward.
I want you to think about how do you want to feel at the end of the interaction.
So as you're clicking out of your Zoom Room, as you are exiting your email exchange, as you're ending a phone call, how do you want to feel?
I want to feel at peace.
I want to feel like this person and I have some trust built. We're coming together. We have trust, yay.
But if you're not clear about how you want to feel, this is an opportunity to further define that. That's right, we're going to get more specific because once we know where our target is, we can reverse engineer it.
I'm not gonna do the Roger Rabbit because I have neighbors below me.
Here is the sprinkle sauce. I want you to take yourself out of it.
It ain't about you.
Advice, I could do a whole series on advice-giving.
Stop it! Please stop giving advice.
It's like leaving a flaming bag of dog poo at someone's door, and they'd be like pika to prison is nice. It's the worst!
If it is unsolicited, people didn't ask for it. And therefore, it's not going to be received as a gift.
It's going to be received as a judgment, as a comparison, as criticism.
You know you've gotten it before.
So can we please stop? Thank you.
We're not giving advice. We are not laying our stuff and our story and our assumptions on other people.
What we're doing is creating space for other people to step in, meet us where they are, have inclusivity, and allow people to emerge as themselves.
What we're going to do is be curious. We're going to ask good questions we're going to clarify.
"So what I'm hearing you say is..."
"Tell me more about this..."
"So we've done this before; how are we going to move this forward?"
You do not need to have the answer.
And in fact, not having the answer as a leader allows you to be a better leader and be less stressed and not feel that internal pressure that I know you've been feeling and being the right kind of leader.
Guess what the right kind of leader is?
The one that's okay, not having the answers, that's okay being wrong, that owns their stuff.
"I'm feeling stressed today. I feel overwhelmed. But I'm really looking forward to our time together."
"I'm looking forward to problem solve, to brainstorm to hear about your ideas."
When you can do that consistently, then people trust you.
People are like, "Oh, I'm really looking forward to talking to Lauren because she's a good time. She wears those fun hats, and she listens to me. And she doesn't give me advice anymore."
Yeah, that's what being a leader is.
I don't need to have the title to be a leader.
You don't need to have the title to be a leader.
All you need to do is create the space before you enter.
Create your agenda, create your intentions, create the space and be consistent.
In doing these five things, I guarantee you're gonna feel better going to bed, waking up, and entering into interactions because you don't have to be the maker and creator of all the things.
How about that? It's a collective process, this team thing. Who knew?
I hope this has been helpful, and let me know how it goes.
And if it's a colossal failure, well, you know, just kidding, it's gonna go great. And I'll see you guys next time you keep being awesome.